Im in my six­ties and match­ma­king men within 40s. The gen­der is fan­ta­stic – so why per­form I belie­ve guil­ty? | Con­nec­tions |

Im a divorced girl in her six­ties who has


late­ly dated mul­ti­ple


men in their 40s. I have always sear­ched young and my ex-hus­band


is


a lot more youthful than mys­elf.


We have never belie­ved a gre­at deal regar­ding it, but now that i’m gro­wing old I think others tend to be


beco­ming judg


men­tal. The gen­der is gre­at and they’­re not boys, so just why car­ry out i’m respon­si­ble?

It is real­ly not easy to shrug down socie­tal view. I belie­ve the folks exact­ly who judge you nega­tively would hard­ly noti­ce men in the 1960s with a 40-year-old girl. Could the­re be a clear dero­ga­to­ry word for an adult guy whom dates young women? No. Ageism, hypo­cri­sy and two fold requi­re­ments con­cer­ning “accep­ta­ble” part­ner­ships abound insi­de our cul­tu­re. Gene­ral­ly, get older dif­fe­ren­ces bet­ween lovers are not any any otherwise’s com­pa­ny. The best trai­ning cour­se should igno­re judgmen­tal appearan­ces or state­ments – inclu­ding con­gra­tu­la­to­ry words that com­pri­se vei­led cri­tique. Peo­p­le who find them­sel­ves sexu­al­ly con­fi­dent can bring in sex lovers of every age – and they’­ve got a right fee­ling com­for­ta­ble about that.

Pame­la Ste­phen­son Con­nol­ly is actual­ly a US-based psy­cho­the­ra­pist whom spe­cia­li­ses in trea­ting inti­ma­te dis­or­ders.

If you want advice from Pame­la on sexu­al things, give us a brief descrip­ti­on of your own issues to personal.lives@theguardian.com (do not send attach­ments). Every week, Pame­la picks one pro­blem to respond to, that will be published online and on the net. She reg­rets that she can­not access per­so­nal cor­re­spon­dence. Dis­tri­bu­ti­on are at the mer­cy of our very own con­di­ti­ons and terms: see gu.com/letters-terms.